Just had a question for the world of internet users...
On my blog, do I make sense at all? To any extent?
I think that SOME PEOPLE are getting a bit confused with my writing- in general. As a person, I am a mixture between literal and...not literal...?
But anyway, as a writer, I tend to write not only for an audience but for myself. Wich can cause me to be very vague in my descriptions of reality, and very metaphor-heavy. I usually understand myself, in ways that would most likely not make sense to anyone else.
But a part of me also feels that it is okay to let people infer. Of course that's okay. My problem is that I cause my readers to have to over-infer.
I usually can go back and fix this, if I'm reading something I wrote a day or so ago. But when I read for myself, I read with the eyes of a writer. I'm in my own world, and nobody can drag me out of it.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Don't judge based only on Genesis
About 10 pages into "The Poisonwood Bible," I fell in love.
With the book of course. Even with over for perspectives going at once, the plot is crystal clear- though not easily interpretted, which adds the level of sofistication that took hold of me.
"The Poisonwood Bible" is set in 1980s Africa. A family of parents and four girls moves from Georgia to the African jungle, on a mission- literally. Their father is a very religious Christian reverend, coming as a missionary to convert and teach the "savages" to christianity. The book is organized into smaller sections, or "books" from the bible.
Though I am only on "Genesis," I have gathered a ton of information about the four girls who tell the story (here in order of oldest to youngest)- Rachel, twins Leah and Adah, and Ruthie May.
I find myself constantly wishing for more of the youngest and oldest, and less of the twins. Leah is the goody-two-shoes suck up type, and she is very solemn and literal about life. Her tone is dull to me, with no new excitement or color. Adah is a very complex and interesting character, but I find it extremely hard to understand her. Unable tospeak and sagging on the right side because of malnourishment inside the womb, Adah is a slightly dismal character. She has an interesting view but seems very negative for the most part.
Rachel and Ruthie May have very distinct, realistic tones, and they sound like people- not characters. I think the reason I prefer them is because it's a break from an age nearer to mine, and I can see their life through an unfamiliar perspective- which draws me in much more.
But then again, I'm only on Genesis. Character change up ahead is possible- and in their case, very possible.
With the book of course. Even with over for perspectives going at once, the plot is crystal clear- though not easily interpretted, which adds the level of sofistication that took hold of me.
"The Poisonwood Bible" is set in 1980s Africa. A family of parents and four girls moves from Georgia to the African jungle, on a mission- literally. Their father is a very religious Christian reverend, coming as a missionary to convert and teach the "savages" to christianity. The book is organized into smaller sections, or "books" from the bible.
Though I am only on "Genesis," I have gathered a ton of information about the four girls who tell the story (here in order of oldest to youngest)- Rachel, twins Leah and Adah, and Ruthie May.
I find myself constantly wishing for more of the youngest and oldest, and less of the twins. Leah is the goody-two-shoes suck up type, and she is very solemn and literal about life. Her tone is dull to me, with no new excitement or color. Adah is a very complex and interesting character, but I find it extremely hard to understand her. Unable tospeak and sagging on the right side because of malnourishment inside the womb, Adah is a slightly dismal character. She has an interesting view but seems very negative for the most part.
Rachel and Ruthie May have very distinct, realistic tones, and they sound like people- not characters. I think the reason I prefer them is because it's a break from an age nearer to mine, and I can see their life through an unfamiliar perspective- which draws me in much more.
But then again, I'm only on Genesis. Character change up ahead is possible- and in their case, very possible.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Seeing from all sides
When you're reading a book as intense as "Ana's Story" it's hard to come up with physical ideas/thinking from the text. On the other hand, it's such a mind-blowing, idea generating story that it's hard not to have a strong reaction- even if it's an unaware reaction.
"Ana's Story" is the touching, true tale of young Ana, an HIV/AIDS patient. I'm a little more than halfway through the book, and so far Ana has gone from a young girl to a fifteen year old whose life has changed faster than the mind can process. The change is continuous, and she moves from place to place.
There are so many interesting apects of Ana's life in just the first half, but a certain part that really struck me as big was Ernesto. At some point, Ana and her sister Isabel move in with their Abeula(grandmother), who is angry and somewhat violent. But her husband is even worse.
Ernesto (Abuela's husband) is a horror. Though the girls are only about twelve years old, Ernesto abuses them and touches them in innapropriate ways. Of course, I won't go into extreme detail about how he goes aboout this or how increasingly bad it becomes. But while the main thought that he was a horrible person sat on the top of my mind, a few other thoughts struck me.
I always try to see not necessarily the good in everyone, but everyone's reasoning. Nobody just does something- especially something as extreme as what Ernesto does- for the heck of hit. I din't exactly come up with a reason for why he would do such a disgusting thing to the girls. But I did wonder what was provoking or causing him to behave like that, and I decided to question his past, figuring that something done to him could have started up his hideous actions.
And I pity him in many ways...pity him for having to eperience something so horrible that it generates these actions, and pity his having to opt to this.
"Ana's Story" is the touching, true tale of young Ana, an HIV/AIDS patient. I'm a little more than halfway through the book, and so far Ana has gone from a young girl to a fifteen year old whose life has changed faster than the mind can process. The change is continuous, and she moves from place to place.
There are so many interesting apects of Ana's life in just the first half, but a certain part that really struck me as big was Ernesto. At some point, Ana and her sister Isabel move in with their Abeula(grandmother), who is angry and somewhat violent. But her husband is even worse.
Ernesto (Abuela's husband) is a horror. Though the girls are only about twelve years old, Ernesto abuses them and touches them in innapropriate ways. Of course, I won't go into extreme detail about how he goes aboout this or how increasingly bad it becomes. But while the main thought that he was a horrible person sat on the top of my mind, a few other thoughts struck me.
I always try to see not necessarily the good in everyone, but everyone's reasoning. Nobody just does something- especially something as extreme as what Ernesto does- for the heck of hit. I din't exactly come up with a reason for why he would do such a disgusting thing to the girls. But I did wonder what was provoking or causing him to behave like that, and I decided to question his past, figuring that something done to him could have started up his hideous actions.
And I pity him in many ways...pity him for having to eperience something so horrible that it generates these actions, and pity his having to opt to this.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Lucky...
Yesterday, every decade was present at my thanksgiving.
Which really is amazing when you think about it. It's happened before, but I've never really been old enough to stop and understand-let alone appreciate-what that means.
This post won't be very long- there's really not that much to elaborate on. I just want to acknowlegde the fact that I'm a very fortunate person, and I know it. Though I don't always think about it- who does?- what counts is that I get it.
So next time I start to complain about something stupid, I promise to remember this.
Which really is amazing when you think about it. It's happened before, but I've never really been old enough to stop and understand-let alone appreciate-what that means.
This post won't be very long- there's really not that much to elaborate on. I just want to acknowlegde the fact that I'm a very fortunate person, and I know it. Though I don't always think about it- who does?- what counts is that I get it.
So next time I start to complain about something stupid, I promise to remember this.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
<3 <3 <3
Those who have read the twilight series will understand my references...
If imprinting existed,
then that was what happened to me last Saturday.
Imprinting: When a person- in twilight's case a werewolf- sees the person that they are destined to be with and feel an irrational amount of love towards them.
That's all...
Had to get it out.
If imprinting existed,
then that was what happened to me last Saturday.
Imprinting: When a person- in twilight's case a werewolf- sees the person that they are destined to be with and feel an irrational amount of love towards them.
That's all...
Had to get it out.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Stepping up to Stars
I to this day don'tknow what caused me to purchase "Every Soul A Star" last year at my school book fair, and don't know exactly why I like it so much- re-reading it ALL the time.
The book itself isn't very complex, and it's a bit of an easy-read. I usually like to challenge myself with sophisticated and challenging books with complicated plots. I think part of me desired a break from intense themes and issues, and to try looking deeper into a lighter, less layered story.
The book goes between three different perspectives of characters, who are all eventually connected. Sometimes you get one event told from multiple views, and sometimes a character will share something personal to themselves.
I think the part that drew me in was just how real the characters were- almost as if the author could see into their minds. I've always noticed that in books, and sometimes it's what makes or breaks the text.
I couldn't necessarily empathize 100% with all of the characters,which pushed me to work really hard to understand them. I had a kind of triumphant feeling after I got through one person, and then I could look at and pay more attention to other aspects of the book. What kept me reading "Every Soul A Star" was my ability to take it slowly. Like with many things, step by step...
The book itself isn't very complex, and it's a bit of an easy-read. I usually like to challenge myself with sophisticated and challenging books with complicated plots. I think part of me desired a break from intense themes and issues, and to try looking deeper into a lighter, less layered story.
The book goes between three different perspectives of characters, who are all eventually connected. Sometimes you get one event told from multiple views, and sometimes a character will share something personal to themselves.
I think the part that drew me in was just how real the characters were- almost as if the author could see into their minds. I've always noticed that in books, and sometimes it's what makes or breaks the text.
I couldn't necessarily empathize 100% with all of the characters,which pushed me to work really hard to understand them. I had a kind of triumphant feeling after I got through one person, and then I could look at and pay more attention to other aspects of the book. What kept me reading "Every Soul A Star" was my ability to take it slowly. Like with many things, step by step...
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Billy Elliot
The most AMAZING musical in the world.
I can't even begin to describe what was going on inside my head and my heart as I watched this work of art play itself out before my eyes, and what lingers within me. This is the first musical I've seen that has literally changed my life.
The plot and the music was gorgeous, but that's not what hit me full-on. I think it was a combination between the indescribably intense dance/songs with Billy in them- who I happened to fall in love with- and the INSANELY amazing performance by Trent Kowalik (Billy).
One way of putting how I felt about this show would be by telling you about how I cried in every other scene. Another would be the lyrics to "Electricity."
There's a ertain element of this show that blew me away, but I still need to figure out what that is. As I write, my heart still pounds from the lasting impact of the musical. I long to be back in the theatre, letting myself be transpoted to Britain in the 1980s (or so). "Billy Elliot" touched my soul in a million ways, and I hope to see it again someday.
I can't even begin to describe what was going on inside my head and my heart as I watched this work of art play itself out before my eyes, and what lingers within me. This is the first musical I've seen that has literally changed my life.
The plot and the music was gorgeous, but that's not what hit me full-on. I think it was a combination between the indescribably intense dance/songs with Billy in them- who I happened to fall in love with- and the INSANELY amazing performance by Trent Kowalik (Billy).
One way of putting how I felt about this show would be by telling you about how I cried in every other scene. Another would be the lyrics to "Electricity."
There's a ertain element of this show that blew me away, but I still need to figure out what that is. As I write, my heart still pounds from the lasting impact of the musical. I long to be back in the theatre, letting myself be transpoted to Britain in the 1980s (or so). "Billy Elliot" touched my soul in a million ways, and I hope to see it again someday.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Droplet
I recently- well, just hours ago- found out a little more about my "story." I won't share all because it's personal. End of story.
What I will share, though it may seem strange, is the poem about it that's bursting to get out of me. So here goes...
Droplet
Drip.
A silent quiver
A soundless noise
In my dark, lonely world
Temtation
Creeps up my spine
This I can do
This I can do.
I would have never known,
you know.
You know
you would have let me
Die
Never knowing
Frozen
My frozen whisper won't come
It sticks to my throat
Cold and burning.
Flicker of light
of hope, of warmth
Fire
Hot
Burning
Burning
You gave
A droplet of happiness
Reassurance, a clue
I loved you.
So maybe
Sometime, you and I
We'll talk again
Meet on the playground
Stare down awkwardly at the asphalt
Nothing much to say
But I'll look at you
then take your hand
And we'll get hot chocolate
Catch up
And you
you can give me
One more droplet.
What I will share, though it may seem strange, is the poem about it that's bursting to get out of me. So here goes...
Droplet
Drip.
A silent quiver
A soundless noise
In my dark, lonely world
Temtation
Creeps up my spine
This I can do
This I can do.
I would have never known,
you know.
You know
you would have let me
Die
Never knowing
Frozen
My frozen whisper won't come
It sticks to my throat
Cold and burning.
Flicker of light
of hope, of warmth
Fire
Hot
Burning
Burning
You gave
A droplet of happiness
Reassurance, a clue
I loved you.
So maybe
Sometime, you and I
We'll talk again
Meet on the playground
Stare down awkwardly at the asphalt
Nothing much to say
But I'll look at you
then take your hand
And we'll get hot chocolate
Catch up
And you
you can give me
One more droplet.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Family is defined by who you love and how you run...
I am nearing the end of one of the most amazing books in my mental library- The Kite Runner. Taking place in Afghanistan at a more peaceful era- though right before war struck- you are literally transported to another world. As I was immersed in this book, I could smell the fresh air, feel the soft grass beneath my feet, and see the shimmering crystal blue lakes of the Afghanistan countryside- before it was ravaged by war.
The Kite Runner foced me to pursue many questions, one of them being "how should family be defined?"
In the book, twelve year old Amir lives with his father in one of the most beautiful homes in his village. Right down the road, his family's "hazara (lowest class of Afghanistan)" servants live in a mud shack. The servants are Ali, and his eleven year old son Hassan.
Hassan and Amir also happen to be best friends.
Amir's and Hassan's families- both of which contain only father and son- are unusually close for servants and masters. Amir's father, Baba, is always as nice as he can be to Hassan espeially, even more so than Amir. But this unusual relationship is the key that unlocks the end of Amir and Hassan's frienship.
At some point in the book, Amir asks Baba "have you ever considered getting new servants?" Baba becomes furous, asking Amir how he dares ask such a question, and tells him that Hassan and Ali are "family."
Besides the fact that later in the book a blood relationship between Hassan and Amir is revealed, they are family to eachother from the beginning. Baba has taught Amir to treat your servants as your family. Amir does not always do this, but he takes away a lot from it.
A few days ago, I made the mistake of adressing family as who you share blood with. I realized my incorrect thought a moment later. What I should have said was that blood defines your physical family. True family should be based on who you love and care about.
And besides that, Amir and Hassan happen to run their kites very similarly.
The Kite Runner foced me to pursue many questions, one of them being "how should family be defined?"
In the book, twelve year old Amir lives with his father in one of the most beautiful homes in his village. Right down the road, his family's "hazara (lowest class of Afghanistan)" servants live in a mud shack. The servants are Ali, and his eleven year old son Hassan.
Hassan and Amir also happen to be best friends.
Amir's and Hassan's families- both of which contain only father and son- are unusually close for servants and masters. Amir's father, Baba, is always as nice as he can be to Hassan espeially, even more so than Amir. But this unusual relationship is the key that unlocks the end of Amir and Hassan's frienship.
At some point in the book, Amir asks Baba "have you ever considered getting new servants?" Baba becomes furous, asking Amir how he dares ask such a question, and tells him that Hassan and Ali are "family."
Besides the fact that later in the book a blood relationship between Hassan and Amir is revealed, they are family to eachother from the beginning. Baba has taught Amir to treat your servants as your family. Amir does not always do this, but he takes away a lot from it.
A few days ago, I made the mistake of adressing family as who you share blood with. I realized my incorrect thought a moment later. What I should have said was that blood defines your physical family. True family should be based on who you love and care about.
And besides that, Amir and Hassan happen to run their kites very similarly.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Nothing in particular
This will now be the shortest post in the history of all blogging:
HAPPY BDAY NANNY! I love you!
That's all.
HAPPY BDAY NANNY! I love you!
That's all.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Because sometimes you just need to dance it out...
My younger sister and parents left for her soccer game at 8:15 a.m. this morning (thanks to AYSO), leaving me alone. Of course, I went immediately to the computer.
In the past, I might have gone onto YouTube or some silly game website. Not anymore. I'm not even tempted.
Maybe it's because I've grown up. Maybe it's becuse I'm bored of the same stuff. Maybe it's because the basic things- for example my new gmail account- seem so much more fun on our family's new (FAST) computer.
But the first button I hit got me onto Itunes, where I bought about 5 songs, all of which would go under my parent's label of "crap."
It's the crap that's fun. I stood in front of a huge mirror, dancing in a way that no human should see, singing at the top of my lungs- not caring at all. And when I finally sat down to work on my 5-10 pages of a play for drama (which I was originally supposed to be working on from the moment they left), I felt a hell of a lot better. In my own way.
Because some people would call this "stupid" or "childish". Fine, it oesn't work for you. Have you ever really tried it out?
I can understand where worrying about what others will think would come into play. I don't blame those people- as long as you don't go overboard, it can be good to show a little modesty.
But alone, I'm not afraid of anything. Dancing is one thing. Everyone has their own ways of "getting it out." When I look at the scared, shy souls who keep everything to themselves, I just pity them.
In the past, I might have gone onto YouTube or some silly game website. Not anymore. I'm not even tempted.
Maybe it's because I've grown up. Maybe it's becuse I'm bored of the same stuff. Maybe it's because the basic things- for example my new gmail account- seem so much more fun on our family's new (FAST) computer.
But the first button I hit got me onto Itunes, where I bought about 5 songs, all of which would go under my parent's label of "crap."
It's the crap that's fun. I stood in front of a huge mirror, dancing in a way that no human should see, singing at the top of my lungs- not caring at all. And when I finally sat down to work on my 5-10 pages of a play for drama (which I was originally supposed to be working on from the moment they left), I felt a hell of a lot better. In my own way.
Because some people would call this "stupid" or "childish". Fine, it oesn't work for you. Have you ever really tried it out?
I can understand where worrying about what others will think would come into play. I don't blame those people- as long as you don't go overboard, it can be good to show a little modesty.
But alone, I'm not afraid of anything. Dancing is one thing. Everyone has their own ways of "getting it out." When I look at the scared, shy souls who keep everything to themselves, I just pity them.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Remembering
I have previously mentioned that I do have a story to tell. Most of this will probably make no sense, considering nobody knows the whole, true story. But the end will come out now...sort of.
Walking past "a friend" in the halls is very different from last year. Last year, it was just an eruption of awkward accidental glances, embarrassed eyes averting away from eachother, and an explosive combination of loss and fury inside of my brain. Now I can walk past with a confident smile, refusing to ever feel intimidated by the guy.
Because I, to this day, don't know what caused our breakage- and it happened in bits, so small I didn't realize it at first- I put it past me. It was the curiosity and never knowing that killed me last year, but I learned from it.
Like I've said, I feel that I should accept the course that life has taken. I now realize I am a much happier without the trauma of the broken relationship weighing down on me. And trust me, I wouldn't say that if it wasn't 100% accurate.
And, truth be told, I'm literally smiling as I write this. No joke. Getting this out of my system is one of the best things I've felt in a long time.
Which is saying a lot, because I have a pretty damn good life.
Walking past "a friend" in the halls is very different from last year. Last year, it was just an eruption of awkward accidental glances, embarrassed eyes averting away from eachother, and an explosive combination of loss and fury inside of my brain. Now I can walk past with a confident smile, refusing to ever feel intimidated by the guy.
Because I, to this day, don't know what caused our breakage- and it happened in bits, so small I didn't realize it at first- I put it past me. It was the curiosity and never knowing that killed me last year, but I learned from it.
Like I've said, I feel that I should accept the course that life has taken. I now realize I am a much happier without the trauma of the broken relationship weighing down on me. And trust me, I wouldn't say that if it wasn't 100% accurate.
And, truth be told, I'm literally smiling as I write this. No joke. Getting this out of my system is one of the best things I've felt in a long time.
Which is saying a lot, because I have a pretty damn good life.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Perfection
Reporting live from creative writing class with my ELA teacher, Ms. Robbins. These hot chocolate filled Thursdays have become the highlight of my week.
Sitting and working on my science test earlier today (which I KNOW I did well on), I reflected on "perfection." At times i have believed my life to be perfect- and that was because everything felt so amazingly right.
But in truth, perfection is boring. If my life were perfect, i would probably be miserable. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating. But I would be unhappy.
So then we ask ourselves, "is perfection really a good thing?"
But what is good, really? I have never been a fan of Ethics; there shouldn't be a system of understanding good vs. bad when in reality, it's a matter of opinion, not fact.
Maybe the reason I've decided to pursue my writing above all other things is because I question the aspects of life- and i look for long, drawn out answers. A simple "yes" or "no" will never fully satisfy me.
Because every word has a definition, in my mind pure goodness means "happiness." But the concept of good vs. bad is something totally different.
So all in all, does perfection really lead to happiness? Is it the key to success?
I belive that the key to success is confidence- which often comes from a high level of satisfaction. Meaning that perfection may get you somewhere in the world, but at no point in your life will it benefit the soul.
But then again, that's just my opinion.
Sitting and working on my science test earlier today (which I KNOW I did well on), I reflected on "perfection." At times i have believed my life to be perfect- and that was because everything felt so amazingly right.
But in truth, perfection is boring. If my life were perfect, i would probably be miserable. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating. But I would be unhappy.
So then we ask ourselves, "is perfection really a good thing?"
But what is good, really? I have never been a fan of Ethics; there shouldn't be a system of understanding good vs. bad when in reality, it's a matter of opinion, not fact.
Maybe the reason I've decided to pursue my writing above all other things is because I question the aspects of life- and i look for long, drawn out answers. A simple "yes" or "no" will never fully satisfy me.
Because every word has a definition, in my mind pure goodness means "happiness." But the concept of good vs. bad is something totally different.
So all in all, does perfection really lead to happiness? Is it the key to success?
I belive that the key to success is confidence- which often comes from a high level of satisfaction. Meaning that perfection may get you somewhere in the world, but at no point in your life will it benefit the soul.
But then again, that's just my opinion.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
My First Few Steps
I am a voracious reader. I am always hungry for another book, and consume as many as i can.
But I'm not a rusher; I'm a thinker. I draw my characters in by making personal connections from my own life.
I am also a writer. Today, November 11th 2009, I am embarking on a writerly journey, hoping to finally share my thoughts and writng works with the world. I feel as if I am on my way.
I'm testing myself- because who knows what I will be doing in a year? Will I still be blogging? What will have changed in my life? Because there is no way of predicting the future, I live by the "Rent" (as in the musical) theme- no day but today.
Which doesn't mean I don't consider the future. I just have taught myself how to let go but stay back. A year ago, you wouldn't have found this skill within me.
Maybe it's the past that's changed me; maybe it's my anticipation of the future. I do have a story to tell, and hopefully the truth will come out someday. Reflection is okay- it's the wishing that will destroy you. The wishing and the wanting to change. Acceptance of the course life has taken is key- and it's what saved me from internal destruction.
I may not sound it, but I am truly giddy to begin blogging. Writing about reading and writing- my writng...let's see where it will take me.
But I'm not a rusher; I'm a thinker. I draw my characters in by making personal connections from my own life.
I am also a writer. Today, November 11th 2009, I am embarking on a writerly journey, hoping to finally share my thoughts and writng works with the world. I feel as if I am on my way.
I'm testing myself- because who knows what I will be doing in a year? Will I still be blogging? What will have changed in my life? Because there is no way of predicting the future, I live by the "Rent" (as in the musical) theme- no day but today.
Which doesn't mean I don't consider the future. I just have taught myself how to let go but stay back. A year ago, you wouldn't have found this skill within me.
Maybe it's the past that's changed me; maybe it's my anticipation of the future. I do have a story to tell, and hopefully the truth will come out someday. Reflection is okay- it's the wishing that will destroy you. The wishing and the wanting to change. Acceptance of the course life has taken is key- and it's what saved me from internal destruction.
I may not sound it, but I am truly giddy to begin blogging. Writing about reading and writing- my writng...let's see where it will take me.
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